“Just stop right there, JLo 208 eyeglasses, before we’re forced to really bring the pain!”

Our shouts reverberated in the stairwell to no avail as the fleeing pair of vision-corrective accessories hurled itself ever upwards towards the night. Catching our breath, we ascended the sixtieth, and final, flight of stairs. Our final destination: The rooftop of the Garbenzi Building, accessible by a single trapdoor enclosure in the ceiling above of a narrow, precipitous landing.

Bursting through the door, we caught up to the JLo 208 eyeglasses as they rounded a bend and hurled itself against the wrought-iron rooftop balustrade. Their beautiful curves undulated with each agonized breath as they trembled in terror against our approaching footsteps. Admittedly, these eyeglasses were one fine piece of work.

“We’ve got you now, JLo 208 eyeglasses!” And we did have them. They cost us about $170, which we were happy to fork over. They looked great, too, in their blackened rosewood hue. We were aware, of course, that a number of their sister pairs were spotted around town in black, yellow tortoise, and chocolate swirl. We promised ourselves to catch up with them a little later, as soon as we got a minute to collect ourselves. Another fantastic night in the big town.